Queer Cinema: The Beginning

I guess it was the semi-nude men writhing around on the tie-die psychedelic background that attracted me to Queer As Folk. I was an eager queer teen who had just discovered that our cable came with Showtime. While flipping channels, i stopped to find this exciting intro to a show that would mean more to me than I would ever imagine. For the next 40 minutes, I remained glued to the television in a dark living room while the rest of the house slept. With the volume just barely above being muted and a finger positioned on the channel-up button, I watched intently as the lives of five pittsburgh-based gay men unfolded before my eyes and taught me what being gay was really about. Now, I know that Brian, Michael, Ted, Justin, and Emmett aren't the epitome of being gay. Nor are they proper role models for gay youth. But they are representation of a marginalized community, one that I happen to identify with. And for that I thank this short-lived show with an impact that is indescribable. The only thing I did know was that this was only the beginning and now that my Queer closet was cracked ajar, I need to know more. To see more.

Let's Get Things Started Again

So, I'm pretty sure my blog entries display a pattern in times of my life when I need to write things out. I've learned that I tend to write when i'm either in a gay setting in which I feel slightly inadequate or in situations when I have no real gay outlet. Last night I went to see a friend perform in the Gay Men's Choir of Orange County. The show was great and watching my friend have fun and be in his element was a blast. I was able to reconnect with some old friends and catch up, and I was also able to make some new friends.

However, the evening wasn't really perfect. Throughout the night I re-learned just how catty and deceptive gay men can be. I pride myself in my friends and love them like they were my family. Because of this, I feel like maybe my standards for people I meet are a little high. So i'll pretty much get to the point. I met this guy last night and while I tried to give him a chance and get to know him, I found it a challenge to see the brighter sides of him. He truly was a catty individual who seems to dwell in the realm of negativity. And it was seeing a person like him that made me think about how he got that way in the first place. I feel it could be one of three reasons. 1) He is mean spirited because he is trying to live up to a certain image he thinks is appealing to other gay men or a image in which he can entertain straight people. His bitchy comments are a form of entertainment for others and his personal way of staying connected to his community. 2) His negative nature is a result of a traumatic childhood full of adversity that caused him to have a jaded view on life. His attitude serves as a defense mechanism to shelter him from the past. 3) He's just arrogant. Something tell me its more a combination of the first and third.

I don't know why, but being in the very proximity of this guy made me feel inadequate. . . i don't know why. He is a type of person i never want to be or emulate. He is the type of person that I often distance myself from, but for some reason i couldn't help but feel like he was more in the community than I was! I know it sounds ridiculous and if my friends ever read this, they would tell me just that. Perhaps it will pass with time. Enough of my ramblings! Oh and i've also decided to use this blog as a ode to Queer Cinema. So the next entry will be an entry on a queer film. Hopefully this will help me practice my coverage skills for my future as a creative exec.